I've been writing for a while now, but keep the contents hidden in secret depths of my computer, not just for my protection, but for those around me. I enjoy reading my fellow blogger's with my steaming Mug-O-Starbucks, or late night cocktail. ;-) Contrary to my exterior, and long held beliefs about my stubborn, highly opinionated, strong, stone-like nature... It couldn't be further from the truth, at least in the category of feelings. The rest you may have heard or seen is probably all true. God knows I am opinionated, and stubborn. I am easily plagued by comments, opinions, etc., even from people I could care less for- so those of my friends and family?... Let's just say I am easily "affected" or "effected". In more than one meaning of the words... lol
I've been bugged on numerous occasions to "do something with my writing", "poo or get off the pot" essentially. Or as my ever so eloquent father said to me this past November, on my BIRTHDAY, after giving me a new mini tripod, with gripping legs, which ROCKS! -
" Now you need to quit sitting on your ASS! Do something with your talent, and QUIT wasting it." and people wonder where I attained my level of bluntness...
In case you missed it, that was his way of telling me he thinks I am good at what I do. My photography anyway, his other opinions I'll save for a later date when I am feeling more brave than usual... (braver or more brave???? Eng. 1101 would be good now, grammar anyway.)
My jury is still out on whether I truly have talent or not, may be a part of my issue(s)... Photog, or writing included in my list of hmmmmms?
Family and friends have told me from a tender age, I should write a book. Uhhhh. Ya. As my title states... I am a BP ( Bipolar) with a touch of ADD, or something equivalent. You know that "preggo brain" we all talk about??? Well let's just say I have had one from conception, long before any of my multiple pregnancies or 3 gorgeous daughters, were but a twinkle in my eye. Ever had one of those days where you walk from room to room for HOURS, knowing you were there for a specific purpose, only to go there, have NO idea why, have another fleeting thought, fowllow it, for a plit second anyway, go to another room, and once again stand confused? Yep, that's me, everyday, all day. So writing a book? I may be 80 before I am done, if ever, how many unfinished projects do I have? I quit counting a LONG LONG LONG time ago. Maybe one day I'll take all my "secret" journals, and hopefully those to come, and find someone who's brain is wired correctly, and have them bind it for me in a reasonable amount of time, with some semblance of organization. Maybe God willing I might even be able to do it on my own...
There's that word, O-R-G-A-N-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N... I was late, as usual, the day God handed that gene out. Not only was I late that day, but I missed the numerous "make-up" classes. Probably overslept, or was 2 hours late, again. God figured it was a mute point, and sent me to Earth anyway, pinned a $20 bill to my onsie, wished me, and my poor, brave mother, the best of luck...
(Thank you Tater Salad LOL)
Ask anyone who has every known me, they'll either laugh to the point of needing an inhaler, or look unamused and nonplussed, especially if you happen to be my husband, or my mother, or my sister for that matter, if you were to use my name and that word, "organization" in the same sentence. Goes along with the BP territory I suppose. Even manic, you may have a billion projects you are doing, complete an obscene amount of them, mass shopping for starters, but don't think for one second it was in an "organized fashion".
Prime example... Those lovely mass shopping trips? It is very likely that you will buy a pair of shoes, you just HAD to have, (insert the part where a mirror would have come in handy here) put them in the top of your closet, so that hubbs won't see them, and then go back out later, and buy the SAME pair, just cause once again, YOU HAD TO HAVE THEM, and that confused, disorganized, affected, short circuited eternal "preggo brain" fails to connect the synapses, to let you know, that you have already BOUGHT the same damn pair; along with the shirt, pants, skirt, comforter, craft items, and hair products, you just HAD TO HAVE, that ya haven't even pulled out of your hiding place at home, but alas, are now sitting in your e'ffin cart again... a short 6 to 8 hours later... ya huh... Now ask me if I should have spent the money in the first place, muchless twice... Nevermind, PLEASE DON'T!
Is it any wonder Dave Ramsey is my new BFF? ummm... Let me think? NOPE!
My life in a very small nutshell. Just an intro... After all, if I wrote the million different scenarios playing simultaneously in my head, they'd make no sense to anyone, including myself, and would be stored away in my secret location, for some day when they find the "Rosetta Stone" to decipher the "BP Language". Chances are damn good that will never happen, cause a BP would have had to of written the thing, completed it, and then remembered where they stored it. Highly, unbelievably unlikely. Maybe in 3000 years they'll come across that gem. Until then I'll be stuck deciphering my own thoughts, actions, reactions, and using my entries as a means of therapy to get maybe a smidgen of the "organization" I have sought. Better late than never right??? ;-)
PS... Why to start writing now? Well maybe I am tired of siting on my proverbial "ass", maybe it's because I need the therapy, (F&F- feel free to insert jokes here), maybe cause lately I feel I am getting old, yes I know I am only 32, but if youth is a "state of mind"... Righto then... Well my brain runs 24/7/365, so I am collecting mental SS benefits at this point. More likely however is the fact after reading many blogs, {Special Thanks to Jamie, Kelle, Layla Grace, Danielle P, Carter K , and even my BFF Christy}
(side note... Bare with me?!)
[I warned you about how my brain works so you'd better learn how to follow along while my brain skips down the sidewalks of consciousness, if you be so inclined.) Christy has never written a blog in her life, but as a fellow BP and momma of 4, she has a mass collection of hand written journals kept through all the perils and triumphs of a BP journey, and has always encouraged me to write it all down, she even likes my long winded stories and patiently sits through most of them... I have to thank the Almighty right now she has never written an online entry, because God knows, and so does she, that it would be ME getting the phone call around 2am when her mind is at full steam, to actually put her thoughts into the written, spell checked, and hopefully, humorous word. Like the rest of her emails, comments, and long ass nights spent fighting some cause or another, like school boards... ugh! LOVE YOU! LOL]
OK... Skipping back up the walk to the previous paragraph...
after reading many blogs, one of the things that stood out to me was that no matter the circumstance, LOL story, heart wrenching tale of hope and loss, mundane daily items, or that one entry that will stick with you in your heart, right where you keep your own children, forever. They all made an impact on me. My hope as cliche` as it sounds, is this...
~Being a BP is not easy. It comes with a stigma, or a neon sign in my case. Probably always will... Being brutally honest...? Add marriage, motherhood, family, manic episodes, breakdowns, hospitalizations, friends won and lost, dealing with the chaos you have created all on your own, the fear of mangling your marriage and or other relationships beyond repair, and with that your three, innocent, beautiful souls, that nearly killed you and or them to have, but still have the unrelenting terror of screwing their lives up, as much as you feel you have done to yours, on a fleeting and or daily basis, but then, you stop. Take a look around, swim a ways through the fog, and choose to make yourself vulnerable, possibly and most likely humiliated, in order to share it all with family, friends, and the general public... Takes some serious brass.
Just like those I have read before. Unselfishly hoping that even one single post will connect with another out there, and will motivate them to "get off their ass and quit wasting their talent", prevent them from keeping their thoughts, stories, fears, trials and accomplishments to themselves, locked away in their "secret vaults", that may very well "affect and effect" the life of another human being. Positively for a switch...
After all, why else were we put here? My belief... To help each other get through this imperfect life, and onto the next, in paradise. It does take a damn village, and for some of us, an entire country.~
To close my "Landmarkian event" one of my favorite quotes I do my darnedest, most of the time, to hold onto.
"What lies behind us and before us,
are but small matters, compared to what lies
within us"
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
I may even bust out another blog today. This mornings events, carried over from last night... Or all night rather. Can you say explosive diapers, cat shit, flood, and hot coffee spilled on your boobs... Oh, and a grown man having to sleep in a Tinkerbell fitted sheet? LMAO! I now can. ;-)
